Finding the Land of Unfettered Minds

If you look at my alleged location in my Twitter profile, you’ll see that it says I’m in the “Land of Unfettered Minds.” In truth, this isn’t anywhere … well, not anywhere you’ll find on a map.

To me, the Land of Unfettered Minds is a place in which we are able to sit with one another, communicate clearly our wants and needs and desires, and clearly understand and receive the wants and needs and desires of those with us in that place. This place is my goal; the land where I want to end up, and to which I’m inviting you to travel.

If you dare.

Yes it actually is a sort of dare, because it is a challenging journey. A journey in which we must all unlearn so very much that we’ve been taught by our culture, our media, and (often) by those we hold most dear in this life.

The vast majority of our poor communication habits are learned behaviors. We learned them because they were modeled for us by our parents, siblings, teachers, and others whose paths crossed ours at one time or another. When any child sees the same sort of behavior modeled again and again, that child unconsciously comes to understand that this is how to behave. And that’s what happens. If we had more folks whose communication habits were healthier surrounding us when we grew up, we’d likely have healthier habits now.

I’m not blaming here; just explaining that who we are now – the ways in which we communicate with ourselves and one another – are based upon behaviors we learned when we were rug rats, scooting around on the lineolium.

But Now, We Have Choices

Yup, I’m about to say that we don’t have to maintain those bad habits. We can even – GASP! – learn new, better communication habits.

Here’s a secret: This isn’t the easiest of tasks. But don’t let that stop you.

Seriously.

Don’t let it stop you.

Why?

Because you’ll get to visit the Land of Unfettered Minds. And who doesn’t want to do that?

Okay, more seriously then…

Fresh Breath and More Hot Dates

Oh wait. I said “more seriously,” didn’t I? Oh well.

Here’s the thing … getting rid of unhealthy and unhelpful communication habits changes the way you interact with yourself and with the world.

For the better.

Example?

Let’s say you’re like me and whenever you make a moving-too-fast-with-too-many-balls-in-the-air mistake the first thing you think is “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” When I continuously tell myself that I’m stupid, my Self – that innate part of me that is most truly Me – comes to believe it. My Self takes in that information and sews it on to my identity … kind of like a patchwork quilt.

The more I tell myself how stupid I am, the more “Stupid!” patches get sewn on to the quilt. If it goes on long enough, I end up with a “Stupid!” Quilt.  Yup, and this quilt – made up of me telling myself how Stupid! I am – is what my Self wraps me in whenever I’m feeling scared and alone.

So then in a moment where comfort and love are called for, I’m wrapped in a quilt made up of Stupid! patches. So much for comfort and love, eh?

The Value of UnLearning

Now imagine this … instead of saying “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” every time I make a mistake (and trust me, I make lots and lots of mistakes), I say something different; something new to my Self.

Maybe I say, “Oops! I shouldn’t have tried to do that when I have so much else going on. Need to remember that for next time something similar comes up.”

Or perhaps bettter:

“Wow, that wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done. Why did I do that? Oh really? Okay, I need to get my Self and my actions onto the same page. There. That’s much better.”

There are many variations on this theme, none of which include the creation of a Stupid! patch for my quilt. In fact, some of these create patches that are made up of “forgiveness” and “compassion” and “remembering” and even “love.”

And you know what happens then when my Self wraps me in my quilt?

I don’t hate myself more and more. Instead, I soak in the warm goodness of compassion, forgiveness, remembering, and love. And in turn I can’t help but to send that out to those with whom I interact.

In other words, a journey to the Land of Unfettered Minds – the land in which you have unlearned bad communication habits, and developed better, kinder, healthier ones – can change your entire world.

Do you dare?

Are you willing to make this leap of faith into this undiscovered country? The journay may not always be easy, but it will be worth it.

Really.

Promise.

Wanna come?